‘People are utterly stupid, just look at them,’ says the oldest, as the six of them lie in the lush grass, relishing the rare winter sunshine.

‘Aye, they have this deep rooted herd mentality, following each other like zombies, questioning nothing, scared to be different. Not a hint of an independent thought in any of them’, pipes in another.

‘I used to think that was just evil talk, but FFS, you can see even from over here there is nay grass to be had there, just straw and mud’, adds the youngest.

‘You got that right, son, mind you, I find it rather entertaining, ken?’

‘Well, thank heavens I wasn’t born human.’

And so they keep chewing their cud, watching the detectorist convention in the next field. Aye, thank heavens indeed.